Male domination, female compliance, and double standards: “Hooking up”

Bianca Scofield

 

Out of all the subjects and articles we have read thus far this semester, I found these two to pertain to our age group the most. Obviously, as members of society, all of the articles that we have read pertain to us, but I found these two to be the most representative about college relationships. When you go out on weekends or discuss it with your friends, our lifestyle seems somewhat normal. However, when you take a step back and really examine this “hook up” and “grinding” culture, normal would be the last word that comes to mind.

I have been in three serious (ish) relationships in my life. I generally will gravitate to more serious relationships because it gives me more security, but that’s just me, I know many people that have no problem not being in a serious relationship or any relationship at all. When reading this article, I kept thinking to myself that in all my relationships, I never had a first date. This is kind of saddening to me. The sequence of events for dating today more commonly starts out with a couple first hooking up (my definition: making out at a party or something) or having sex, then hanging out (usually in each other’s dorm room) then begin dating, and finally occasionally go on dates. It almost the exact opposite of how it used to be! Sex, which used to come last, now comes first. This only applies to couples that actually date of course, most college students do not even get to that point! I literally could name all the Conn couples I know on one hand, granted I’m a freshman and I don’t know that many people, but still! I think this mostly can be attributed to the “no strings attached” policy that Kimmel discusses when it comes to hooking up. When people hook up, there is more of a chance that they will not date than they will. In Kimmel’s article, he states how this hook up culture creates problems dating later on in life. It makes perfect sense, once we leave the college realm and are looking to settle down, dating is something completely new to us. College used to be a time where you could almost practice for the real thing. Another part of Kimmel’s article I would like to address is how hooking up usually involves the use of alcohol.  Although the combination of sex and alcohol is so commonplace, it is still extremely dangerous. Sex while drunk is never a good idea because there is obviously issues of consent as well as the use of protection. Most people on the verge of blacking out will not think to use protection, which can prevent STDs, STIs, and unwanted pregnancies. And unfortunately, when it comes to drinking and sex, women are much more likely to be taken advantage of than men.

Grinding is one of those things I’ve never really understood. I would much prefer to any other dance besides grinding to be honest. I don’t know if you can really even call it a dance because it doesn’t really require the same amount of skill that I attribute to other dance moves. While reading Ronen’s article I couldn’t help but think that grinding was sort of animal-like. Women would dance provocatively next to each other beckoning to the men, men would scope out the dance floor looking for a partner, then a man would just grab a woman from behind and start grinding with her, most of the time without asking. There is almost no dialogue exchanged in this process and men generally have all the control when it comes to choosing a dance partner. Women can decline, but men always initiate. I think that Ronen’s interest in this particular style of dance is not because of the actual dance but rather how it is initiated, how it is almost the only style of dance that is preformed on college dance floors, and how it only caters to straight students. And like many other subjects and topics we have examined in the semester, men have the upper hand.

 

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